Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Randomize
