she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
