Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
