still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
