allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
