ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
