im six kinds of drunk right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
