Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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