My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
