I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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