Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
