Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize