"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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