i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
