Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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