I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
