My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
