i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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