Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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