he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
