I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
