it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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