I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
