who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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