I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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