do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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