i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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