Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
