If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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