Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
