at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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