Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
