I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
