Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
