Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
