if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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