He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
