So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
