At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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