omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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