I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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