I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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