i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
