just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
