She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
