Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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