Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
