so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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