Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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