I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
