A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
