My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
