I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
