you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
