It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
