She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
