Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
