I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
