you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
