Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
