Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
