You're completely useless in the revolution.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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