hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
