I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want to fling myself into the sun
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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