somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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