the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
only if we run a train.
done.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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