Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
