Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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