You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
