I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Porn is love you can see.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
