Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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