why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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