I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
