i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
