I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
