that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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