is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
