Umm I'm too high to move.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
